Our team has been working to train people for the coming Zombie Apocalypse through tools and tips learned in their various fields of expertise. We expect to give you the same tools and training to ensure your one of the survivors, and not part of the undead plague.
By keeping up to date on the latest literature, tools, and training we plan to show you how to stay healthy and avoid becoming one of the undead horde that will pillage humanity. So check back with us on a regular basis to ensure you are prepared to survive the Zombie Apocalypse
Rule 1: Cardio
Well, we finally saw Zombieland this weekend, and what can we say. It was funny. Frighteningly inaccurate in many areas, but amusing nonetheless. One of the areas we thought was a great tool to pass along were Columbus’ rules of surviving Zombieland. While we don’t agree with all of them by any means, there were a several that we thought had merit.
Here’s the list:
- Rule 1: Cardio
- Rule 2: Doubletap
- Rule 3: Beware of Bathrooms
- Rule 4: Seatbelts
- Rule 5: ??
- Rule 6: Cast Iron Skillet
- Rule 7: Travel Light (both physically and emotionally)
- Rule 8: ??
- Rule 9: ??
- Rule 10: ??
- Rule 11: ??
- Rule 12: Bounty Paper Towels
- Rule 13: ??
- Rule 14: ??
- Rule 15: Bowling Ball (preferably 16lbs.)
- Rule 16: ??
- Rule 17: Don’t be a Hero
- Rule 18: Limber Up
- Rule 19: ??
- Rule 20: ??
- Rule 21: ??
- Rule 22: When in doubt, know your way out
- Rule 23: ??
- Rule 24: ??
- Rule 25: ??
- Rule 26: ??
- Rule 27: ??
- Rule 28: ??
- Rule 29: Buddy System
- Rule 30: ??
- Rule 31: Check the back seat
- Rule 32: Enjoy the little things
- Rule 33: Swiss Army Knife
Alright, there are a lot of question marks there, and we’re assuming that at least some of them will be filled over time. Sony Pictures, who produced the movie, have a YouTube page up where they’re updating regularly with more information (and some pointless product plugs, hence Rule 12.)
But about the list so far, here are some of our thoughts on the rules they’ve put out to date.
Rule 1: Cardio. Well, there’s not much to disagree with here. You’re going to have to run, and running means working out, specifically getting your heart rate up on a regular basis and then pushing your limits until you have new ones. We recommend jogging at least five miles per day. As with any workout regime, work yourself up to that, don’t just go out and expect to run five miles when you’ve been sitting on the couch downing Twinkies for the last ten years.
Start slow, make it to the end of the block first, and then stretch that distance each day until you’re making it as far as you can. Once you’re getting at least five miles in a day start timing yourself at that distance. Let’s say it takes you an hour to run five miles (not a horrible time, actually.) Start running 30 minutes out and then 30 minutes back. Eventually you’ll be running further and faster than that five mile mark. If you have the time, keep training and stretching your time and distance out. Make personal goals and push yourself to meet them faster and faster.
Now that you’re near marathon strength, and that’s going to take you several months if not a year or more, think about the zombies that are going to be on your tail one day. You’ll have to not only outrun them, but out think (not hard,) out pace (also not hard,) and out maneuver them (yet again, not hard.) But there won’t be just a single one you’ll have to get away from. There will be dozens, hundreds, perhaps even thousands. You have to get away from them all.
So, Cardio.
We’ll deal with the rest of the rules over the next few days or so.
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There seems to be a great deal of confusion on whether or not zombies will attack animals, and if they do, will those animals become infected, simply die, or go on with their lives. As this video shows, some types of zombies will indeed attack animals that enter their vicinity, but this is not always the case.
Some types of zombies will indeed attack an animal, though those same types will typically attack any warm or moving object. Some types of zombies will only attack certain types of animals (e.g., mammals but not lizards,) and some types of zombies will only go after a human being.
To make this a little more straightforward we have come up with the following lists to help you in knowing whether or not your family pets are safe.
Zombies that Will Attack Animals:
Zombies that Will Only Attack Humans
- Chemical Zombies
- Nano-Zombies
- Techno-Zombies
- Other Miscellaneous
To understand how to identify each type of zombie, please click on the links above and review the various articles. This will advise you on how to identify your zombies, and find out whether they are a threat to only you, or if you need to protect your pets as well.
One important item to note when reviewing the articles, not all zombie types can be spread to your animals. So while you may want to protect Spot from being eaten, if he does get bitten, you do not necessarily need to put him out of his misery.
If your pet/horse/cow/sheep does receive a bite, and you are unsure what type of zombie you have encountered, the safest option is to put the animal down. We understand that this is difficult (nigh on impossible for some.) We are pet owners and animal lovers ourselves, and to have to put down your own animal is one of the most difficult decisions one can make, even if it isn’t due to an infected bite from a zombie.
That said, the infected pet is no longer the loving, caring creature you have shared time and adventures with. If not now, then soon it will turn into a vicious, ravenous creature with only your death in mind.
If you cannot bring yourself to put your pet down, and you have not been able to identify the type of zombie bite it has received, you have two options.
- Have an acquaintance do the dirty work for you. Do NOT let a friend do it. It will ruin your relationship completely. You will always question your decision, and if a friend has to put down your beloved pet, you will forever look at them with that question, and that anger. Make sure the person you ask is someone you either don’t like, or don’t have a close connection with. It will change your relationship with them as well, but it’s less likely to ruin a friendship. Ironically, it may even lead to a stronger connection with that person.
- Lock the possibly infected animal up and monitor it over the course of several days. An infection that can spread to an animal will show its signs within 72-120 hours (three to five days.) If your pet is still its same old self after that time, you can consider yourself reasonably safe and release them.
NOTE: We cannot stress enough how dangerous, and frankly stupid this option is. Primarily, keeping a potentially infected animal locked up for up to a week can cause issues of its own. What if you have to move because of a coming horde? What about the animals natural biological processes and the necessary cleanup? Where can you keep a horse locked up that where you can guarantee it won’t escape, break free, etc.?
Additionally, there is no guarantee that even after five, ten, or even 100 days that your pet is guaranteed infection free. All creatures have different resistances to infections. Your chihuahua may be naturally immune to the zombie bacteria, but can still pass it on if he bites you. The only way to guarantee your safety from your pet is to put it down, no matter how difficult the decision.
To be blunt, it’s you or them. In a war against the zombification of all humanity your pet may become collateral damage. It’s sad, it’s difficult to come to terms with, it’s your only guarantee for safety.
In the war against zombies, animals are often caught in the middle. Many people are forced to abandon their pets when they go on the run. Even more are turned and have no recollection of their family and friends, much less their pets.
While some animals are trained to help humanity against the zombie threats, many are left to fend for themselves and have been known to become a danger in themselves. Feral packs of both dogs, cats, and even escaped zoo animals have been known to roam urban wastelands after an outbreak.
For these reasons, we recommend that if you are a pet owner and you realize that an outbreak is occurring, please do something about your pets. They will not likely be able to make it through the outbreak alive, and may even become a danger to you and your survival group. We know it’s difficult, but it may become necessary.
Video Credit: VideoSlave
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