U.S. Zombie Tactical Squad

Almost a year ago we mentioned that Security Doors are an important part of Urban Defense.  In fact they are really the first line of defense against a Zombie home invasion, and that’s why you need one.

In the following video, you can learn the basics for installing a steel security door.  As we mentioned before, you need to make sure you get an ANSI certified door to ensure the high production standards we recommend.

A couple things to note about this video.  The bolts they use have roughly the same diameter as a quarter, so they’re pretty tough.  It also points out that the frame is the weak point of a security door, not the door itself.

This is important to note, not because Zombies will get through the door frame, but as it is an area of concern when dealing with roving bands or humans that might see you as a threat or as week enough to attack.

For this reason we feel it necessary to stress an extra layer of protection over the door frame itself.  We suggest welding a steel strip or plate over the outer frame of the doorway.  If possible a single piece is preferred to two or three separate pieces as it allows less purchase for any tools used against it.

If steel is not available, then you may attempt to brick over the framework.  This isn’t as secure, but it will give you enough time to make your escape or build up your counter-attack.

Ice is dangerous. Most people don’t see it and don’t understand why or how, but frozen water can kill. No, not as fast as fire, or acid, but dead is dead, and ice will get you there just as easily as anything else.

Like fire, ice, when used properly, is a tool that can be as useful as it is dangerous.  From cooling your drinks, to sculpting, to building shelters, ice is indispensable as well.

So, how does this tidbit of information help us in protecting ourselves against the zombie scourge? Well, knowing how to use ice and the cold can save you from the undead just as easily as fire, acid, or a good rifle.

The first thing you need to know is how ice and the freezing process effect the zombie.  Now this is a controversial subject, as some authors have lead us to believe that freezing does nothing to zombies. This is patently false.

Freezing destroys cells. Any cell, regardless of whether it is alive or dead.  Cells are made primarily of water, much like anything else in a body.  When water freezes it crystallizes and expands. As the freezing water (or ice, as I like to call it) expands it tears the cell membrane and organelles, shredding them and destroying them.

After being frozen the cells of the organism (undead or otherwise) are gone, liquefied by their own liquids. As the creature thaws those cells lose their cohesion to one another and literally melt away.

Here’s an experiment you can try to see what we’re talking about.  Take some meat, hamburger, a hot dog, steak, whatever, and put it in the freezer without any packaging. Wait a few days to ensure it freezes completely through. Take it out of the freezer and let it thaw out.  You’ll see a significant change from the original product.

If you do this repeatedly, freezing and thawing and freezing and thawing, eventually you’ll end up with a pile of goo.  If you do it with something with bones, say a whole chicken, you’ll start seeing the flesh fall away from the skeletal structure leaving just the bones on the plate.  Everything else will be in a slushy mess on the counter-top.

The water that you froze out will sublime away (evaporate directly from a solid to a gas) in the freezer or on the counter.  The other parts of the cells, the lipids, the mitochondria, etc. are that pile of goo on the counter. They were torn away from the cells they used to be part of and are now, literally, fragments of their former selves.

So what does this mean for the zombie? Zombies are just undead humans and are thus, still made up of cells. When they freeze the cells burst and turn into goo. So after one hard winter any individual zombie will be destroyed…for the most part.

As we’ve seen zombies can survive wounds, gashes, compound fractures, gunshots, and just about anything else that would kill a normal man outright.

While we’re not sure what causes this, it seems to be that a zombie is no longer a uniform organism and instead is turned into more of a community of cells.  Cut out part of that community and the rest goes on, not as efficiently, but it survives.

So freezing will destroy a zombie, if that zombie is so thoroughly that every cell is destroyed (an unfortunately unlikely event) part of them will survive until the spring thaw.  Granted they will not be as efficient as they were prior to freezing, they’ll be just as deadly when encountered.

The best time to deal with a zombie (if there is such a thing) is when it is completely frozen and cannot attack you in any way.  If you are fortunate enough to happen upon the undead at this time, simply smash its head into as many tiny icy pieces as you can.

Now, we feel it important to note that freezing will not always kill a zombie. As mentioned above, only a hard strong cold that freezes and destroys every cell in the body can kill a zombie. The fact is, most of the planet does not experience cold of this magnitude, and the places that do, are difficult to get to.  While that does make them good places to hide out from zombies, it also makes them difficult places for humans to survive as well.

Most of the planet that does experience a winter of any significance will only get cold enough to freeze the outer layers of the human body. While this is deadly to a live human, an undead one may make it through to spring.  The light frosts and slight sub-freezing temperatures that most of the world call winter won’t even slow a zombie down, much less terminate their existence permanently.

So here’s the wrap-up. Zombies can’t survive a thorough freeze any more than you can. But since most of the world never gets that thoroughly frozen, we will need to be as vigilant as ever during the cold months to ensure the safety of our families and ourselves.

So even though the snow is whirling by the windows, and you’re curled up next to the fire with the last hot cocoa on Earth, don’t answer the scratching at the door. Get out your gun, and be ready to defend yourself.

Photo Credits:  d’n'c, Bob Fornal

While we don’t really recommend a baseball bat as a primary weapon for dealing with the undead, the thought of playing a little Zombie Brain Baseball does appeal to us.  This shirt, “Zombie MLB” is sadly no longer available from Tee Fury.  Sorry, but we just found out ourselves.

Ever want to know how long you’d last if bitten by a zombie.  Well “The Oatmeal” has just the tool for you.  Check out their’ Zombie Bite Calculator and find out how long you’d have before craving the brains and flesh of you family and friends.  Here’s my personal score:

Created by Oatmeal

So we just found this great shirt over at Threadless and had to pass it along to all our readers.  ”The Food Chain” by Olly Moss is a great re-imagining of the food pyramid we all grew up with in elementary school.  We’re probably going to get one for everyone on the team here, and suggest you pick up your own.

One of the questions we get more than any other is, “What is the best machete for killing zombies?”  We’ve given it some thought recently, and pooled our own machetes to see where we stood.  Not unsurprisingly there were a variety of blades displayed, and each person had their own reasons for choosing their personal weapon.

Taking this in we quickly realized that there is no perfect machete for killing zombies.  There may however be a perfect weapon for you to use when killing zombies.  We hashed some ideas back and forth and eventually came up with the following list to help you when choosing the best machete for you to use. Read the rest of this entry »

When it comes to killing a zombie horde, what’s better; a single shot or a hail of lead flying through the air?  Well, it might surprise some to find out that, when faced with the flesh eating undead, the single shot is the better option, regardless of the number of walking corpses headed your way.

Yes, when dealing with the zombies there’s one thing you want above all else in your weapon, and that’s control.  A semi-automatic weapon, one that fires a single shot each time the trigger is pulled, is preferred highly over those that fire multiple times per pull, known as automatic weapons.  The reason for this is simple physics. Read the rest of this entry »

Grenades are decent anti-personnel weapons and one would assume that they would be worth using against the zombie hordes.  However, this is not the case.  When it comes to the undead, grenades are next to worthless.

A grenade works as a shrapnel scattering weapon.  The explosive inside detonates and forces the metal casing away from its center.  The shrapnel tears into the flesh of the nearby victim causing excessive damage and pain.  Against the live human, the grenade is a pretty good weapon. Read the rest of this entry »